What Worked (And What Didn't) in 2021
I know. Here we are, on January 4th, and I am just now getting around to 2021 reflections. I still have not set goals for 2022, or picked a word for the year. But in the spirit of using all of January as a fresh start, I am easing into the reflection process, starting with this simple roundup of what worked last year (and what didn’t), inspired by Emily Freeman.
What Didn’t Work in 2021:
Meal prep / Meals in General / Family Dinner
I would probably put this on the “did not work” list every single year, but 2021 in particular was a real low point for all things related to eating. Can I blame the pandemic? Can I blame writing a book? Sure. We ate a ton of takeout this year. A lot of oh-look-we-have-no-food-again-let’s-just-throw-down-a-snack-plate-and-call-it-good-enough. The first half of 2021, Brett was hyper-stressed with his job. The second half of 2021, I was hyper-stressed with mine. Confession? We got into the poor habit of parking the kids in front of the iPad for dinner, and parking ourselves in front of a show in a different room. I hate this. I’ve also been too tired to do anything about it. In 2022, I’d like to do more screen-free meals together as a family, at the dinner table, and save the let’s-plop-in-front-of-the-TV meals for the nights we really need it. I am also setting out to fall in love with cooking this year, a tall order for my cereal-loving self.
Potty-training
Bless it. We had grand plans of potty-training Presley last summer, and three hours into trying, I decided we’d be better off waiting until I turned in the book. Then we had grand plans of potty training over Christmas break, and who am I kidding … we didn’t even try. To be honest, I prefer to potty train in the summer when I can let Pres run around naked in the backyard for three straight days, so my new goal is summer 2022. Is it just me, or by the third kid does anyone else feel like diapers are straight up easier?
Preschool
This technically falls into the “something I didn’t have control over” category, but six weeks after Presley started preschool, the whole operation shut down. First, the school closed for ten days after a Covid exposure. Then, after re-opening for two days, the school announced they were closing indefinitely. Just like that—my whole work schedule and childcare disappeared into thin air. Poof. With 24 hours notice. The whole ordeal was handled so poorly, I’m still feeling pretty jaded about preschool in general. We decided not to enroll Presley anywhere else while Covid is still running rampant, and hope to enroll her somewhere new in the fall of 2022. PLEASE LORD LET THIS BE OVER BY FALL OF 2022.
Budgeting
Again, I’d put budgeting on our fail list every year, but just like meal planning, 2021 was a reeeeal low point. Brett and I could not seem to get our life in order re: spending and financial planning. I do, however, have high hopes for 2022 because we had a four-hour budget meeting on New Year’s Day (hey, adulting!) and have put some shiny new systems in place, along with a very intense spreadsheet to track our spending. #thisis35
Date Night
I think Brett and I went on … four dates in all of 2021? Maybe five? We’d love to go on one date a month in 2022.
Lack of Structure re: Bedtimes and Screen Time
I don’t remember this being a huge issue for the first half of 2021, but over the past six months, ‘bedtime’ has been more of a loose concept than an actual time, and weekend screen time has been a total free-for-all. I had a lot of grace for us toward the end of 2021 (winter! book deadline! Covid!), but at the start of a new year, we are turning over a new leaf. Last night Brett and I called a Family Meeting with the kids so we could all get on the same page re: our weekly rhythm, expectations, etc.
What Worked in 2021:
Okay, onto the better list …
Getting up at 5am
Consistently getting up at the crack of dawn has been a game-changer for both Brett and I. We get up at 5am together, read in bed while we drink our coffee, and then I write while he gets a head start on his work day. I listened to a podcast last year that discussed “energy levels” and I definitely operate at a green level first thing in the morning.
Sabbath
Halfway through 2021, I read this book and felt what I can only describe as a lightning bolt of conviction. I called an emergency meeting with Brett, and basically implemented family Sabbath immediately. I’ve gotten so many questions about this—how do you Sabbath with young kids? What does this actually look like? I will be the first to tell you we have had very few “perfect” Sabbaths. But as Shelly Miller wrote so eloquently, the point of Sabbath is not to practice Sabbath perfectly, it is to rest in the One who is perfect.
How we do it:
Ideally, we end Saturday night with a clean house, finished laundry, and an empty dishwasher. That doesn’t always happen, but that’s the goal. Sunday morning we lounge around before church and make cinnamon rolls (which we eat off paper plates). After church, we pick up a quick lunch on our way home (Jamba Juice or Panera). Presley goes down for a nap at 1pm, at which point we all REST, separately, however we like (hint: it usually involves a lot of screens). Typically—the boys play Minecraft, Brett watches football, and then I either watch a movie or read a book in bed. From 5-8pm we do analog time as a family … we either go for a walk, go to the park, or, in the colder months, play board games at the dining room table. Dinner is leftovers or takeout. Even though we’ve only been practicing Sabbath for about six months, I have witnessed a noticeable anticipation of this day each week, for all of us.
The Tuff Shed
After years of dreaming and a full year of planning/research/getting our financial ducks in a row, we finally purchased a Tuff Shed for our backyard, to use as a home office. This is the biggest, most expensive house project we’ve done to date, but it was worth every (borrowed) penny. For the first time in our lives, Brett and I both work from home (and plan to, indefinitely). Having a dedicated office space is not only empowering us do our actual jobs better, it’s also helping create better boundaries between “work hours” and “home hours” (something we both struggle with!). This was a huge financial investment for us, one we’ll be paying off for a while, but we truly consider this office space an investment in our home, our marriage, and our careers. No doubt, we will be able to stay in this house longer because of the extra space it’s afforded us.
A Robust Writing Schedule
For the better part of 2021, I held myself to consistent writing hours in a way I’ve never done before. And while the fruit from that discipline certainly showed up in the 53,000+ words I turned into my publisher a few weeks ago, I also re-discovered the magic of ‘writing begets writing.’ A number of times in the past six months, I’ve sat down at my desk and hashed out 1200 words in one sitting. That is rare, and still is, but the difference is—I used to experience an ‘effortless’ writing session once or twice a year. Now, it happens once or twice a month. My friend Katie told me a few weeks ago, “You’re in good writing shape, Ash, and it shows.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those words. At the close of the year while Brett and I were talking about routines and schedules for 2022, I told him I didn’t want to “fall out of shape.” While I am no longer operating under the pressure of a huge looming deadline, I want to stay disciplined with my writing hours in 2022.
Deleting IG every other week
Hands down, this might be the thing that worked Best Of All in 2021. I spent 30 weeks off Instagram last year. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I feel like I found my life again? I wrote more about that decision here.
Mastermind Group
I’m just going to say it: I am obsessed with my mastermind group. As in, I can hardly remember life before we formed this little collective. Talking to three of my closest friends every single day about writing, and motherhood, and faith, and a billion other things, has impacted my life in unquantifiable ways. I bring this group every idea, every surge of creative energy, and they help me figure out what to do next. Their fingerprints are on everything I make, and I would not have it any other way.
Creative Retreats
I went away on several Airbnb writing retreats in 2021, and having that time to do “deep work” as Cal Newport says, played an essential role in finishing my manuscript (especially this year amidst the pandemic, school closures, etc). I’ve done these retreats often enough now that I have it down to a science. I always stay at the same place, I bring the same food, I set the same schedule, the same expectations. (Should I do a whole post on this?!)
Grandma Daycare
When Presley’s preschool shut down and I was on the verge of a panic attack (how would I work? how would I finish the manuscript?!), my mom graciously offered to watch Presley two days a week. And, honestly, having two full days of childcare > three half days of childcare. I still work a lot in the margins throughout the week (early mornings, after bedtime, throughout the day as I can), but having two consistent days a week where all of my kids are out of the house for 5-6 hours? No joke, I can finish about 20 hours’ worth of work in that time. The very best part: Grandma is free.
I’m sure I’m missing things on both of these lists, but these were the top items that came to mind.
I’d love to know: what worked for you in 2021, and what didn’t?
