you just had a baby.

Ashlee

To: myself, and anyone else who needs to read this.

You just had a baby.

I know your jeans don't fit. It sucks. I know you tried on seventeen pairs at Nordstrom Rack last week and almost cried in the dressing room. I know you went to Gap after that and tried on fourteen other pairs and almost cried in that dressing room. I know the only thing you bought that day was a pair of sweatpants and a loose white t-shirt. It's okay.

You just had a baby.

I know your to-do list is never finished. I know you're worried about things like savings accounts and college funds and life insurance and making a will. You don't need to do any of those things today. You'll do them soon enough.

You just had a baby.

I know you're trying to balance your dream job (which pays nothing, yet), and your regular job (which pays a little), and trying to figure out how to pay for daycare and how to find a daycare and how to not feel guilty about using a daycare. I know more than anything right now, you want help with your super active toddler who needs to run run run while you need to sit sit sit and breastfeed, again. It's okay.

You just had a baby.

I know you're trying to figure out how to cook meals that are not scrambled eggs and how to stop running out of milk at the end of the week and how to get your toddler to poop in the potty. I know you secretly just want 100 hours of babysitting so you can make a baby book and create a meal plan and go to Costco and organize your closet and shave your legs and write overdue thank you cards and clean off your desktop and cut your fingernails and vacuum every room and maybe, just maybe, watch a movie? With popcorn? And milk duds? It's okay to wish for those things.

You just had a baby.

I know everyone is starting Whole30 and making 25 resolutions and setting goals and choosing One Word for the year. I know you're eating peanut butter cups in the bathroom and making resolutions you don't even think you'll keep and trying to think of One Word that isn't SURVIVE but it's the One Word you keep coming back to because damn, this two-kid thing is hard.

I know you're exhausted. And frustrated. And overwhelmed. And sleep deprived. And thankful. And grateful. And happy. And tired.

You just had a baby.

I know everything feels undone. I know being a grown-up sucks. I know your house is a mess. I know you have writer's block. I know you feel behind. I know you wish you were superwoman. I know. I know.

But.

You just had a baby.

So, let's stop pretending like that didn't just happen. And let's give you some grace and permission.

You don't have to answer every e-mail, every text, or every invitation that comes your way. You don't have to keep your house clean or make fancy dinners this week or plan your family vacation for the year. You don't have to take your toddler to the dentist or figure out how to save for college right now.

Let it be.

Eat a bagel. Heck, eat two bagels. Let your baby nap on your chest. Pretend to be a dinosaur with your toddler. Go to Target by yourself and look at all the things. Watch Parenthood and cry a little. Go to brunch with your friends. Rest.

You're fine.

And when you go to bed tonight thinking of the 63 items left on your to-do list, feeling unaccomplished and disappointed in yourself, I want you to repeat after me.

I. Just. Had. A. Baby.

A baby!

Relax. You're doing great.

Love, Me.